a sad Saturday

I'm trying to be positive... I really, really am, but I'm tired and irritated and upset.

I was supposed to be enroute to seeing my little funky monkey, but I'm stuck in a Saturday class.

I was supposed to be heading to K&Ms after class, but I feel like I got hit by a truck and I'm coughing up all kinds of nasty stuff.

I was supposed to have hit my 3 mile times and be working towards my 4s, but I have a jacked up back so I'm walking.

I was supposed to be starting my brewing experiment, but I'm not going to be able to pick up the carboys.

I'm expecting far too much from people and becoming extremely disappointed in them for not meeting and in myself for being selfish.

It's been rotten, but I'm also stuck on several delightful things.
I gave an hour long presentation on Wednesday on Aesthetics and Knowledge Creation and I'm still trying to figure out where that paper is going to go.  It's a fascinating idea, how we have these exciting and fulfilling experiences while we're creating things.
I finished up my two interviews for this class and I've got to write them up tonight so that I can be completely done with it except for my final presentation.
I got to transplant over half of my seedlings... only the eggplants and the habaneros need more time.
And there's a little cross-eye Asian woman in this class wearing a Canadian tuxedo with a blue leopard print shirt. I know it's mean, but I'm trying so hard not to laugh that my eyes are watering.

I've been musing over the ideas of hope, faith and love.  The link comes from I Corinthians 13:13: "There are three things that last: faith, hope and love and the greatest of these is love."  I never agreed with this: mostly because I found my contemporaries insipid and onerous.  I used to think that hope was the most important, that no matter how bad things got, as long as you had hope for something else/ something better you'd be fine... you'd be able to make it.  And then, you'd come back rich and be able to rub it in everyone's face.

I got over caring what others think several years back and decided I've changed my mind.  I think that hope really doesn't get you anywhere.  You need hope when you're in survival mode or building castles in the air.  Hope isn't pouring the foundation, hope isn't saying who we really are or where we are actually going to go and I don't think that hope and imagination are synonymous.  I think imagination is far more important and helps generate possibilities.

You have to love people.  You can not like them, but you have to love them, in that you need to want the absolute best for them all the time.  I see myself as part of the whole, I see meeting the needs of those important to me and letting the unimportant stuff slide.  I see faith as coming to the table in trusting people to do what's best for all of us and then, trusting myself enough that if they don't, I can, without hating them and without becoming bitter.
I'm working on that.